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The convergence between information processing, communications and content is increasingly pervading most industrial and social activities and is increasingly critical to Europe’s competitiveness and quality of life. The advent of the information society is opening up the possibility of a wide range of new activities for both individuals and companies in the Community, e.g. in the fields of commerce, work, transport, the environment, education and training, health and culture. Continuous efforts in relation to research, technological development and technology take-up and demonstration are necessary to realise the full potential of the information society. The technological range of the key actions allows the possibility of a dynamic concentration and a flexible implementation of the activities, reflecting socioeconomic priorities.
These efforts must, in all activities, tackle the universal issues such as access, ease of use, cost-effectiveness and interoperability and standardisation. They should also address the socioeconomic impact of the activities, in particular the social changes brought about by the introduction and more widespread use of new information and communications technologies, including their effect on different population groups, with particular attention to their effect on women and young people. Tackling the issues of access and ease of use in this context shall be an important priority.
(And so on...and on...and on...)
Sentence quoted verbatim from an internal report by one of Europe's largest stationers:
'Notwithstanding the aforementioned acquisitions in a variety of foreign marketplaces, many of which are independantly competitive within themselves, we have concluded that in the interests of our holdings being seen as structured such that they will actively allow, if not promote, competition within the group, we have chosen to deliver all futher management policy information in the language of origin of the wholly or partially owned subsidiary.'
[PaulWay] This would have Sir Ernest spinning in his grave.
The Organisation
1 The Street
Town Centre
London
WC1A 1AA
31 August 1999
To Whom It May Concern,
Mr Projoy has been employed by this company for three years, and in that time, I have found him to be completely reliable and hardworking in the duties which he sees fit to bestow on himself.
His tireless work in wriggling out of responsibilities and delegating thankless tasks to other staff has demonstrated a unique approach to management, the like of which this employer has never seen. In all areas of his work, he has dedicated tremendous energy to minimising stress upon himself, and is frequently to be found asleep at his desk, or working to improve staff morale either by taking extended sick leave, or mixing with junior staff outside in the car park, smoking cigarettes. He is renowned in this office for his painstaking care in typing up the cofee and biscuits rota, for which effort he has been released from coffee and buscuit duties by the unanimous consent of himself. His invaluable work decorating the walls of the office at our Christmas party (using his own bodily fluids) has also been the cause of much remark. He makes positive and creative use of company resources, such as office stationery, to achieve exciting results, such as the 500 copies of his CV he has recently printed on the office printers. As regards the stationery, he is also fond of taking his work home. This is not to say he is dull. His many interests and hobbies include amateur embezzlement, alcoholism, a long-standing coke habit and the attempted molestation of adolescent girls, for which he has won much useful publicity for the company in the pages of the local, and indeed national and international press. In short, I cannot but commend Mr Projoy for his clear and efficient handling of finances, such as demanding fortnightly subs and wage increases to cover an increasingly alarming overdraft, and for the tremendous ambition which, sadly for us, now sees him moving on to pastures new. I hope the above information proves useful to somebody. Yours truthfully, The Manager.Apologies if y'all have seen this one - but I saw it a coupla years ago, and I think it must fit World's Worst something. Source was ariadne@cix from Phil Rees at York University, from Roger Fern at Newcastle University, and Peter Hewitt of Exeter.
Dear Sir:
Thank you for your latest submission to the Institute, labeled "211-D, layer seven, next to the clothesline post. Hominid skull." We have given this specimen a careful and detailed examination, and regret to inform you that we disagree with your theory that it represents "conclusive proof of the presence of Early Man in Charleston County two million years ago." Rather, it appears that what you have found is the head of a Barbie doll, of the variety that one of our staff, who has small children, believes to be the "Malibu Barbie". It is evident that you have given a great deal of thought to the analysis of this specimen, and you may be quite certain that those of us who are familiar with your prior work in the field were loth to come to contradiction with your findings.
However, we do feel that there are a number of physical attributes of the specimen which might have tipped you off to its modern origin:
Sadly, we must also deny your request that we approach the National Science Foundation's Phylogeny Department with the concept of assigning your specimen the scientific name "Australopithecus spiff-arino." Speaking personally, I, for one, fought tenaciously for the acceptance of your proposed taxonomy, but was ultimately voted down because the species name you selected was hyphenated, and didn't really sound like it might be Latin.
However, we gladly accept your generous donation of this fascinating specimen to the museum. While it is undoubtedly not a hominid fossil, it is, nonetheless, yet another riveting example of the great body of work you seem to accumulate here so effortlessly. You should know that our Director has reserved a special shelf in his own office for the display of the specimens you have previously submitted to the Institution, and the entire staff speculates daily on what you will happen upon next in your digs at the site you have discovered in your back yard.
We eagerly anticipate your trip to our nation's capital that you proposed in your last letter, and several of us are pressing the Director to pay for it. We are particularly interested in hearing you expand on your theories surrounding the "trans-positating fillifitation of ferrous ions in a structural matrix" that makes the excellent juvenile Tyrannosaurus Rex femur you recently discovered take on the deceptive appearance of a rusty 9-mm Sears Craftsman automotive crescent wrench.
Yours in Science,
Harvey Rowe
Curator, Antiquities
[if you've seen this before, it's 'cos I sent it on Thursday before everything fell over.]
To Whom it may concern,
I shot one of your birds during a camping trip last week. I think it was a crow. I followed the cooking instructions attached to its leg, and I want you to know that it was terrible.
I'd support game closure.
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